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WeiYeen Lim

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Tuesday, November 23, 2010 @ 7:23 PM
I'm tired
, mentally.

My emotional turned up and down these few days. Really have to thank to my friends who accompanied me when I'm down. I wouldn't know how am I gonna go through this shitty emo days without them :( Drank too much alcohol lately, my brain stuck. I can't even think or concentrate when studying in class. Mad hate this kind of feeling.

I'm tired for searching for the right guy. Perhaps I should just sitting here silently and waiting for my prince charming comes to me? But I hate waiting :( Honestly, I can't stand loneliness.

"We're tired of the loneliness that presses down on us even though we're surrounded by dozen of people. So why can't we just say it?"

I need some fresh air. Too much unhappy things happened on me. No, I should say too much pressure on me lately. Assignments, midterm, relationships. I've thinking so much these few days, I thought I found the right one but ya know, life sucks. I'm sick of this.

I asked one of my friend, why he doesn't want to get a relationship?
"There's a firewall in my heart, I afraid if I got a relationship, I might hurt them in the end", he answered. Well I guess I have to build a firewall too? To prevent all kind of shitty viruses. I don't want to fall too deep on a person, I'm scared. I've gone through so much relationships, my heart is really tired now. I just want to stay peacefully with my loves one. Why its seem so hard for me? Fate maybe. My friend told me, I'm just 20, I still have a lot of time to find the right one. Well, wrong people appeared in the right time. Ironic isn't it?

I wanna follow my feelings, I want to do the things I wanted to do. Speaks always louder than action. And, I'm a kind of person that very mind what's others thought on me. For example, whenever I go out with friends, I will started to think about will they hate me if I don't do this / will they think that I'm wearing very ugly today? etc etc.
I always telling my self, "do whatever you like as long as it makes you happy. No matter what people think". Its hard, really hard.

This semester seems to be very tough for me. I can't catch up with my studies. I can sense that I will fail ALL the subjects in my final exam. No joke.

Things changed, People changed. EVERYONE CHANGED.

"Screw forced smiles and polite handshakes and I'm fine thank you."

Life sucks.
what can we do? Accept the reality and move on.
Sorry for being so emotional :( can't helps.

(I deleted so much sentences in this blog post, can't write too details in my blog. I wanted to write more but there are lot of my friends reading my blog. I don't wanna get my self into trouble anymore.)




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